'Glee' Season 3, Episode 8 Recap and Song List - 'Hold On To Sixteen'

Here's the first thing I noticed about "Hold On To Sixteen," and it was one of the best things about the episode: no "here's what you missed" at the beginning of the show. It always seemed a bit silly, didn't it?

The people that are watching this show probably didn't miss an episode, and the people who are tuning in for the first time aren't going to be caught up on the tangled web of relationships and storylines with a 30-second recap.

It's time for Sectionals, which means this episode is loaded with music. Eight songs are performed. Eight! At an average of three minutes a song, that means probably half of this episode was singing. No wonder neither Sue nor Beiste had anything to do with this one.

Rachel is feeling bummed about the fact that she's suspended, and figures that her absence, combined with the loss of Mercedes, Brittany and Santana to the Troubletones, spells certain doom for New Directions. Here's the problem, though: this episode assumes that only one school will move past Sectionals.

It's been a while since I've been in high school, but I don't remember Sectionals in any arts competition being a single-elimination kind of deal. As I remember it, at least two teams in a competition would move on to Regionals. Sectionals were practically just a practice round, and a chance to weed out the really weak ones. And by the performances later in the episode, all three groups probably would have moved on.

But I digress. Rachel and Finn head over to Sam's place of work, because they decide he needs to come back if they're going to have a shot. Really? Sam's their secret weapon? The guy who barely ever got a solo and who the fans didn't particularly care about, which is why he was demoted to recurring?

Anyway, Sam is a stripper now. But at least his parents aren't assholes: when he asks to go back to McKinley, they're very nice and supportive about it. That breaks the streak of parents being total jerks on this show (I'm looking at you, Mike's dad and Santana's grandma or whatever).

Sam and Blaine get off on the wrong foot, and Blaine finally confronts Finn, too. Hey, if anyone has a right to be upset here, it's the guy who got demoted to recurring who's being bitched at by the guy who got promoted to regular. Amirite?

The logic train, sadly, was seriously off the tracks today. Not only were there two songs sung for no reason (a celebratory number in the auditorium? Are you kidding me?), but it's like a day before Sectionals and these kids STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED ON WHAT SONGS TO SING. Guys, you can prepare for these things in advance, you know.

I understand why it needs to work that way for the show. We can't see the same numbers on repeat every time these guys get to a competition (which is how it would work IRL). But wouldn't it work just to throw in a line like "hey, why don't we do that one that we were working on last month?" or something, to imply that they didn't just throw it all together in an hour?

Anyway, I learned today that Toby Keith's songwriting skills are about on par with Brittany and Artie, as "Red Solo Cup" seems to be about the same as "My Cup," which the duo wrote in like two seconds before Nationals last year.

Mike's dad also got his redemption today, finally seeing what his son can do and giving him his blessing to pursue his dream of being a dancer. And Mike wasn't even doing any impressive stuff today.

But this turnaround came just as I was starting to appreciate Mike's dad. Why? Because the guy is the only person on this show with any sense of reality. Every adult around these kids tells them that they're going to be a star, that nothing can stop them from being on Broadway. But Mike's dad knows that this isn't an easy career path. "There will be heartbreak," he says, and he's right. Not everyone can be on Broadway, just like not everyone can get a football scholarship. Right, Finn?

The rest of the episode is musical performances, and of course New Directions wins and allows the Troubletones girls to join them for Regionals. But wait a second... does that include Sugar? The girl who got denied from joining New Directions, which is the whole reason that the Troubletones got started? So, now she's okay to join in?

Also, did New Directions really deserve that win? Let's take a look, as judges:

The Unitards -  Led by Harmony ("The Glee Project" runner-up Lindsay Pearce), this group did a pretty good version of "Buenos Aires." Of course, that's all we see from them. Plus, they went first, so by the time we get around to making our decision, they're probably out of sight, out of mind. Let's give them a solid B.

The Troubletones - The girls do a rousing mashup of "I Will Survive" and "Survivor." Now, every time I hear "I Will Survive" I want to claw my face off, because it's just one of those songs that has been co-opted by white teenage girls who have never faced any adversity. These girls have, or at least Santana has of late, and so it works a little better. The audience gets up and into it, and I buy it when they do. The choreography is challenging and the songs are energetic. I'd give them an A-.

New Directions - These guys do a Jackson medley, which is a good idea. Lot of rousing songs in that catalog, including "ABC," which they start with. But then "Control" by Janet? What? Why? That was totally boring. Then they get back on track with "Man in the Mirror," which is always a crowd pleaser. But, speaking of the crowd, when they stand up and start dancing, I never buy it. At no point is this performance engaging and rousing enough that I would have gotten out of my seat. They get a B+.

Troubletones win. But that would be terrible for the show, so of course in "Glee" land New Directions wins. Yay. On to Regionals, for which I'm sure they'll start preparing two days in advance.

Other notes:

-That Toby Keith song is clearly about alcohol. Where are all the angry parents on this one?

-Meerkat Face and Gay Face should have their own spin-off

-Quinn's bratty side story was uninteresting, but thankfully she seems to be off this annoying vindictive "I'm getting my baby back" kick, thanks to everyone basically telling her in succession that she was being an idiot in this episode. Rachel, then Sam, then Shelby.

-Why is there Nationals-level talent at Sectionals? There's never any improvement as the level of competition goes up.

-Who the hell are all these other girls in the Troubletones? And why didn't they get invited into New Directions?

-Why were the Unitards so excited about third place? There were only three groups.

-"You smell like Craigslist." Nice. That makes up for the lack of any Sue/Brittany lines.

This week's numbers:

"Red Solo Cup" - Toby Keith - Sam and New Directions

"Buenos Aires" - Evita - Harmony and the Unitards

"I Will Survive" and "Survivor" - Gloria Gaynor and Destiny's Child - The Troubletones

"ABC" - Jackson 5 - New Directions

"Control" - Janet Jackson - New Directions

"Man in the Mirror" - Michael Jackson - New Directions

"We Are Young" - Fun - New Directions